Well, here it is…the dreaded baby #3 scare! I’m eight days late and omg, I’m freaking out! My thoughts say “My hands are full enough, thank you! Last thing I need is to do all that all over again!” 😱

As you may know, I run a home daycare and after-school program with a total of 10 messy children per day. I already feel like I’m hardly keeping up (plus I have big dreams for my time and talent!) 💡

Back when I was terrified NOT to become a mother, I would worry “what if I can’t get pregnant?” My mantra was always “I will have THREE beautiful, healthy children” BUT THAT WAS BK (before kids) and before I understood the time, energy and constant maintenance raising kids really requires!

I love mine to the ends of the Earth, but they are SO MUCH more challenging than I EVER could have prepared for. They love the idea of a brother or sister when I asked them, by the way, and neither understand why we wouldn’t want another.

How scary can one extra baby be, you ask? Well, I know some super moms don’t have any problem and I do love their photos of their kids with a baby, but even the thought of a 3rd sounds all sorts of alarms off inside me.

Sure, I did come from a big family with what feels like thousands of cousins (all lined up in an assembly to carry firewood) but immediately after imagining myself pregnant again, I can’t help but see both my freedom and creativity packing their bags and heading out on the road without me. 🚕

Little back story…my husband finally got a vasectomy (like, weeks ago) and I am working on my music album at last that’s taken me years to prioritize. My kids are finally big enough for their dad to put to bed (5 and 7yrs) and we finally just booked our first vacation to Mexico because he couldn’t even talk about the idea of travel until now.

After telling him about it tonight, if it’s positive it sounds like he would prefer to abort the whole mission!

“It’s all going to be ok” he tells me.

“Yeah it’s all going up be ok if you will support me no matter what I decide. I get it, I would be upset too and would likely have a big cry…but personally, I don’t think I could ever bring myself to abort a child I knew I was fully equipped to raise, especially one this rare (it was in fact “”safe sex” or so we thought!)

For me, I feel that if a baby could show up just in the nick of time, and under such a small likelihood, I think he or she must just be meant to be here, possibly sent with great purpose. 😇

Anyway, I plan to do the test in the morning and if positive, despite the inconvenience, I guess I will decide to do my part to welcome him or her with open arms and try to give thanks for a bonus baby / blessing? 🙄

Has this ever happened to you? Ever had a scare? What are your feelings on having another baby? A difficult abortion? A planned vasectomy?

One thing for sure is there are no two people or two situations exactly the same. I acknowledge that my feelings are certainly not everyone’s. I would love to hear any of your ideas on planned/unplanned parenthood.

Please reply here or to my email: to share any of your feelings on the matter you wish to share. I am in search of many different opinions and would appreciate the inspiration for my songwriting about this topic. Thanks for reading!

In love,

Emily Jane

Update: test was negative!!!! 😮‍💨

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